Have you ever read something in the Bible and you run across a verse and it captures your mind and heart?  You begin to meditate on it, and wonder why the verse is so intriguing to you and then you realize that the Holy Spirit wants to reveal a deeper truth.

I had been reading about the church in Acts and was struck by the power that was demonstrated throughout that book.  Knowing the theological thoughts that the power that was exhibited,was just for that day of the first century church, but I asked God a question:  "Lord if you are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow then what we see in Acts should be happening in today's church, and why isn't it?

 As I asked this question my mind went back to the visit I had made to St Paul's Cathedral in London,  It was a beautiful church and was a great testimony to God or was suppose to be, but it was dead, the Spirit of God was not there and it made my heart sad,  People were coming in for mass but why?  To perform meaningless rituals and that day I saw what Jesus was talking about when He told the Pharisees that they were like white washed tombs, looking all beautiful and supposedly set apart for God's glory, but sadly God was forgotten and set aside.
 Then my mind went immediately to when Cary and I were living in San Diego.  We lived in a small community that was impoverished not only physically but spiritually.  In one part of the city there was an intersection and at each corner set 3 churches and  fourth church was down the street from this intersection,  It struck me that a place that had four churches in such close proximity, there should have been some change going on in that area, but sadly there was not.  I was sad and overwhelmed with grief.  I know I should have been different and spoke up but at that time I was just exactly like the people who attended those church.  I did not have an understanding of the power of the Holy Spirit in my life.

The verse Romans 8:11 captured my attention one day. This verse I have read many times but on this day last month the Holy Spirit wanted to show me something deeper.  The verse says that "if the power of the Spirit of him who raised Jesus is living in you...I stopped and thought "Wow, is that really saying what it is saying?"  It can't be!

 I love how God works....LOL  When I turned on the radio later that day,  I heard the song by Jeremy Camp  called the "Same Power".  In that song the chorus goes:

the same power that rose from Jesus from the grave
the same that commands the dead to wake
Lives in us, Lives is us!

WOW!  I thought I had heard every Jeremy Camp song as I love his music but had not heard this song before.  And from that moment I began to think about the power of the Holy Spirit in my life and in the Church.

 As you well know God always makes us take a look at our own hearts and our own sin before He allows us to look at others.  It was during this time of questioning about where that power was in my life and the life of the church, that I had to come face to face with the disobedience that was operating in my own life and rightly come to a correct understanding of who God really is!

During this time, I came across another verse that was just confirmation to what God was showing me in his Word and this verse has not only been done in my own personal devotion time but it showed up in the the Bible study material that we are doing in our women's Bible study about the Armor of God, which I find interesting.
In Ephesians 1:17-20 Paul is talking to the church at Ephesus and in this portion of scripture, it is a prayer he is praying for the church:  I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people and his (Now watch this!) incomparably great power for us who believe.  Did you catch that?!!  Paul is praying that we would know God's incomparable power!

For those who do not believe that the power of Acts is possible today here is the ending of that prayer:

 That power is the same power as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked not only in this age but also in the one to come!! (Ephesians 1:19-21)

After reading this prayer and asking that the Lord would honor this prayer in my life, I prayed, " Lord we both know that your power is not fully operating in my life.  You will have to do what you need to do in my life. And as a human who always needs to do my part I asked my Lord, " Jesus what do I need to do?"

This is the question I woke up this morning on my heart.  As I was thinking about strengths and weaknesses that each of us have, the Lord led me to this verse 2 Corinthians 12:9:  My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  WOW WOW WOW!  Did you catch that?  The power that the church and each of us need in our lives is found in our weaknesses!

Which leads me to bring light to a deception that the enemy of our souls wants us to believe. When we lead from our strengths why would we need God?   The strengths we have for ministry and for living our lives have been developed out of our weaknesses.  A strength can not be developed apart from a weakness.  It only becomes a strength when we allow the power of the Holy Spirit to use that weakness for his glory.  But when we forget and begin to rely solely on those strengths to guide us and help us live our lives and conduct ministry we leave out the power of God, because His power is made perfect in weakness and hence one of the many reasons why we are not seeing the same power that we see in the pages of Act come alive in the church today.  We need to take a step back and evaluate our lives.  Are we trying to lead from our strengths only?  We say we want to be real, but then we refuse to humble ourselves before God and admit we can't do anything apart from Christ and go with our own agenda based on the strengths that we have that were made strengths only by the power of the Holy Spirit in the first place.   Allow the Holy Spirit our lives and allow Him to show us where we are trying to lead in our own strengths, not in our weakness in conjunction with the Holy Spirit.

Lamenting of the heart

I want to preface this blog entry with this.  Everything that I am blogging about is not meant to point fingers at anyone, nor is it meant to be condemning.  Everything that I have written about in this post, are things I have been dealing with in my life.  I don't feel even remotely qualified to write on this issue, but it has been on my heart for weeks and believe I can share it with all of you.  I just want to experience deeper intimacy in my relationship with the Lord and I know that is the cry of many of your hearts.  God is asking us to allow Him to do a cleansing of His temple (our hearts).  This blog came from my reading of Jeremiah 7:1-11.  I hope you will go read it, and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you.

Lately my heart has been lamenting.  It has not only been weeping at issues in my life, but in the lives of so many other Christians, and generally the world that we are living in today.  I am so overwhelmed by the evil that I see going on and it not only makes me weep, but I get so angry to see such blatant injustice.  I have watched the news and listened to people talk, and I am amazed at the deception that seems to have blanketed our land.   There are so much rhetoric going on, and it is easy for a heart to believe that humankind is lost.  That there is no good in this world any longer. It seems just absolutely hopeless.  Yet God reminded me this morning in His word in Jeremiah 7 that we are not to trust in deceptive words!  I was gently reminded that the war has already been won!  Jesus Christ is alive and sitting at God’s right hand!  He is the VICTOR in this battle with evil! 

At this point I have to make a confession.  I had begun to dislike the “church”.  Not the actual physical building that I go to on a weekly basis, but the spiritual “church” we all belong to when we accept Christ as Savior and Lord.  God began months ago, convicting me of my hypocrisy and the idols I had in my life.  As God began to deal with me in those areas of which I have mourned and repented  (and continuing to do so on a daily basis),  He began opening my spiritual eyes to the things around me.  The more I read scripture, the more I see clearly the deception of idol worship and what I see makes my heart weep.  

Then I was in scripture today and in Jeremiah 7, God is speaking.  He is speaking to His people Judah. Yes, I have heard the argument that the Old Testament is not for the church and that it was written solely for Jewish people that what God said them, we should not apply to ourselves, but God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He NEVER changes and if He is calling out the Jewish people on their disobedience and their sin, why wouldn’t we take notice as His church and listen to Him.  

God’s heart has, is, and always been for His people.  When you really dig into scripture you can hear his Heart.  He loves humanity so much that He was willing to meet us in our humanity in the person of Jesus.  So to all those who may say that what God says in the Old Testament cannot apply to us, His Church and His Bride are listening to deceptive words. 

In this passage God is actually addressing those who came to the Temple to worship God.  When I read this passage, I actually realized that those things that I have been lamenting are the same things that causes God heart to lament.  You see in this portion of scripture God is calling His people, those who call themselves worshipers.   As Christians we are called to be worshipers.  But in the day of Jeremiah, the worshipers of God were not worshiping Him.  Their hearts were hard, cold, filled with sin, and idol worship.   Are we so different today as then?

It says in Jeremiah 7:2  “Hear the word of the LORD”. I have to stop here for a moment and make comment here.   LORD spelled in all capitals, is the word Yahweh in the Hebrew.  Yahweh was the ultimate name of God and the Jewish people didn’t even dare to speak this name.  In all of His Holiness they knew they were undone in His presence because of their sin and didn’t address Him as such.  I thank God every day for Jesus who makes it possible for me to stand in the presence of Yahweh! 

Here is the LORD speaking to his worshipers, his people.   He continues, “Reform your ways and your actions and I will let you live in this place. Do not trust in deceptive words and say “This is the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD.  If you REALLY change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless, or the widow and do not shed innocent blood an if you do not follow other gods to your own harm then I will let you live in this place,in the land I gave your ancestors for ever and ever …BUT look you are  in deceptive words that are worthless!   

Times may have changed, but the sin has not.  There are so many deceptive words that people are believing.  God is challenging his people to look at the things that we are believing and being told and match them up with His Word.   We are being told that God is a forgiving God and that as long as we confess our sin to Him we are forgiven.   This is truth but the deception that comes into play here, is that we can do whatever we want, and after we are done with the sin, I can go to God and tell Him I am sorry and I am forgiven.  It is a presumption upon His mercy and His grace to know full well what we are doing is sinful, choose to do it willfully, and then go back to God and ask for forgiveness!   How many times I have been guilty of this! 

Other deceptive words tell us that going to church, participating in all the glitz and programming that is intended make us to feel good, makes us feel safe, all the while we have blatant sin in our lives.  As you read through the Old Testament and the New Testament you see clearly that God is not interested in what we do for Him or our religious traditions, He is interested in our hearts and where in our esteem we uphold Him.    

The one thing that I have learned about God in reading His word is that He can NOT tolerate idol worship.   And as I look at the Church today, it abounds!  In my own life, it abounds if I am not careful to look after my relationship with the Lord and make a conscious and intentional effort to keep Him first place.  I get off track often, there is so much the world offers, how can I not?  But I have found over the last few months that NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CAN COMPARE TO JESUS!

  

In His first Commandment, God addressed that HE was YAHWEH and we as His people are not to have any other gods before Him. But I tell myself I surely can't have idols in my life.  I love Jesus and He is sufficient.  Is He really?  When was the last time you reached for your Bible, rather than your cell phone?  When was the last time you spent time in prayer instead of on social media?  Have you give God the first place in your life today?   Idol worship is anything that takes first place in your life.  An idol steal time away from God, it takes up much of your resources whether it be your talent or money.  Idols demand your time and attention and oftentimes turns the worshiper of God into the image of the idol being worshiped. 

Idol worship comes in all forms:  entertainment, ministry, money, sports, relationships, worry, and fear and many other things.  Idol worship is anything that takes 1^st place in your heart and steals your time and attention in developing a relationship with our Lord.   Idol worship is a deception that can hide for a long time in our hearts.  We listen to the words in our ears that say that what we are doing is harmless and surely God doesn't mind, He is in fact the one that gave me all these blessings and I should enjoy them but God is saying, “but look you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless!” (Jeremiah 7:8)

Now the next passage is where it gets personal for you and I as He asks a question of His worshipers, “Will you steal and murder, commit adultery and perjury, burn incense to Baal and follow other gods you have not known and then come and stand before me in this house which bears my Name and say, “We are safe”-to do all these detestable things?  Has this house which bears my name become a den of robbers to you?  

He is saying to his people (you and I) who have been called by His Name, and is asking us essentially:  You come into my Presence every week to worship but your hearts are not for me.  You come into my Church and say you are there to worship me, but while you are worshiping your mind is on whatever your hearts are worshiping-your idols.  You do not come into my house to worship in Spirit and Truth but it is all about the agenda and making yourself feel good about your sin and your idols.  You bring the things of the world your Baals and gods and are really worshiping them even while in the presence of my Holy Spirit!  Do you really think that if you do this, you are safe?

  He is calling us, His Church, to repentance just as He did in Jeremiah’s time.  He is crying for His children to return to Him with all of our hearts!  There is no more time to listen to the deceptive words that we are better than the world, looking at judgment upon others, and that somehow we have arrived. We are called to confess our sins and God is faithful and just to forgive us, because of the cross and the penalty that Christ paid on our behalf, and only because of that we can come before Yahweh and stand in His Holy Presence.  

Wake up Church, God wants to cleanse His temple (you and I) and wants us, as His church, to be lifted up to give hope to the world.  We can’t do that if we are dirty and stained by the world.  We need to really put God back in first place in our lives and really need to deal with the idols in our lives.  It is not going to be easy but God’s heart is calling us to do exactly that!  How can we refuse as His children to do that after all that He has done for us?  We actually do owe Him our lives, ALL of our lives.  When we have set ourselves apart for Him and choose Him over our idols and allow the Holy Spirit to purify our lives, we will see God’s glory in our lives, in our homes, in our communities and in our land.  We will see revival like we have never seen before, but revival can only begin if the God’s people’s hearts are right before Him.  

It is interesting that the verse that has been brought to the attention during these times that we are living in and most especially during this very important election year has been 2 Chronicles 7:14 in which God is calling out: if my people who are call  ed by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 

 Interestingly enough in this verse God is addressing his people, and in today's terms He is addressing His Church.  He is telling those of us who confess Christ as Savior and Lord that we need to pray, seek his face, and turn from our wicked ways.  We need to address the sin that is in each of our lives, repent of that sin and turn from it.  We can do all of that because of the Cross.  We can not have one foot in God's kingdom and a foot in the world.  When we turn from our sin, He promises to forgive us, and in the process He will heal our land, which will bring revival!  This revival must begin with the hearts of God's people and putting back where He belongs, first place.  

In Revelation 2 when Jesus is addressing the seven churches, He is giving commendations to each of the churches but to some of them He is bringing rebuke.  To the Church of Ephesus He commends their hard work and perseverance but the rebuke He brings to them is that they have forsaken their first love and to the churches of Pergamum and Thyatira He brings rebuke for allowing compromise and tolerating immorality.  And to the church at Laodicea, He brings the strongest rebuke when He tells the that church that they are either hot nor cold but lukewarm and He will spit them out of His mouth!  

Does this sound like a God who isn't serious about sin of His people?  He definitely is serious and in my heart I hear his call to repentance and His call to rid my life of idols and placing Him back in first place in my life.  I know that as a sinner that I can not do that without the power of the Holy Spirit.  So I take one day at a time.  His grace is sufficient for me in that day, and when I sin, I am immediately convicted and the Holy Spirit prompts me to go to the Lord and ask for forgiveness.  I battle the deceptive words of the enemy on a daily basis.  My heart longs for true intimacy with my Lord and that only comes from repentance and turning from my sin.  It comes from relying on Jesus and Jesus alone.  My heart's greatest desire is to see true revival in United States, to see God's power manifested and see people's lives radically changed.  Yet that revival comes at a great expense to you and me as God's people--we need to lay down our lives totally and completely before our Lord.  In true repentance, turn from our sins and walk each day in obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ.  This can only be done by sacrificing our idols for the True Living God, trusting in Him and obeying Him completely and without excuse.  

Wilderness Consecration!

If any thing a Christian learns in their faith walk, that their souls will end up in the wilderness eventually. It is the very place where our faith is tested to its limits and where our view of God is reworked and redefined.  It is a painful and a very lonely place.  You cry out for God to speak and move on your behalf, but oftentimes it is also the time when God is most silent.  I have found myself there over the past few months.  I am learning to be still and know He is God, even when He has been silent.  It has been here in the desert that I have relied on God's word and taken it to heart.  To believe it beyond my circumstances and my feelings.  I cling to it like a drowning man clings to a life preserver in the middle of rough seas.

In today's reading in 2 Chronicles 30 I read how King Hezekiah called for the people to consecrate themselves and submit to the Lord.  My question to the Lord then what does consecration look like for us today?  God had an answer and boy what an AHA moment it was!  In James 4:7-10 James writes:  "Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the devil and He will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded.  Grieve, mourn, wail. Change your laughter to mourning; your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up."

Do you know where this is done?  In the Wilderness Place!!!!!   All this time I have been fighting railing against being in the wilderness, and all the time it has been a place of consecration to the Lord I have been going through!  This was God's leading and doing and I am so grateful!  Then today the Lord reminded me of the promise He gave me at the beginning of the year:   Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland...Because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise.  Isaiah 43: 18-21.     WOW!!  WOW!!   I can rely on God to give me the water I thirst for when all seems to have dried up in this wandering.

  So this is encouragement to those of you that are wandering in the desert.  God is consecrating you, setting you apart for His purposes.  Do not rail against where you are.  Be still and know He is God.  He is making a way where there seems to be no way.  He is good and his promise to never leave us nor forsake us is true, and even in the desert and the dark night of the soul He holds you with His right hand and is walking through it with you!  Take heart and allow Him to do what He needs to do in you!  It is so worth it.   Lots of love to you my fellow desert dwellers!  

Remove the Grave Clothes!!!

It is funny the things your mind turns to the instant your eyes open and the fogginess of sleep begins to clear from your mind.  Many times my mind goes to the worries of the day, or the things that I feel I must complete for the day.  Whatever your first thoughts of the day are, pretty much sets the tone for your day.  But then there are those mornings when you awake and scripture fills your mind, and how sweet it is to know that as David quoted in the psalms, “On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.”  (Psalm 63:6)  that even as I slept I couldn’t help to think of God and his promises throughout the night as I slept.  I know this to be true especially when I wake up and when there is a verse or a portion of scripture on my heart, I take notice.  I know that it is the Holy Spirit trying to convey a truth to me.   I had such an experience this morning as I woke up.  The portion of scripture I woke up was when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.  Jesus told Martha in John 11:25 that he is the resurrection and the life, then proceeded to raise her brother from the dead!  Can you imagine the scene?  What reverence and awe must have hushed the mourning party that was going on!  Then shouts of joy of looking at a life resurrected when all hope had appeared gone.  WOW!  I just want to make a statement at this point of the story.  No matter how dead things seem to look whether it is your marriage, your financial situation, your relationships, our culture, our country, and even your faith—we need to remember that Jesus is the Resurrection and Life.  He can call back to life those things that we have lost hope.  We have to trust Him and turn those things over to Him.  We need to stand on the truth of His word and not waver even when everything around us has seemingly died.  God is a good God.  He is good when things are alive and thriving and He is good when things seem to have died.  I just want to give those out there that are struggling the hope that Jesus is everything we need.  He can call back to life those things that are dead, and He can and will make good come from those things if we just allow him.  Which brings me to the second part of this post.   The 2^nd verse that came to mind immediately was in this same portion of scripture.   After Jesus had raised Lazarus from the dead and Lazarus came forth from the grave in John 11:43, Jesus says to the relatives and friends standing around witnessing this awesome event:  Take off his grave clothes, and let him go!”   This verse leaped out at me and this is why:  many Christians have been given resurrection life, but so many of us struggle with taking off our grave clothes!   Jesus said in John 8:36 that who the Son has set in free, is free indeed and in John 10:10 Jesus said that He came to give us life abundantly. Both of these verses just agree with Jesus words that He is the resurrection and the life.   But those grave clothes keep us from walking in that freedom.  Grave clothes were bound around a body with many different cloths, can you imagine the restrictions it imposed upon on Lazarus as he came from the tomb?  Jesus had brought Lazarus to life but he knew that he would have needed to be freed from those grave clothes.  You notice Jesus didn’t free Lazarus from those grave clothes?  He commanded that Lazarus community to help him.    Grave clothes take on many forms:  bitterness, fear, addictions of many kinds, un-forgiveness, depression, and myriad of other things that keep you from living life with joy, love, faith, and hope.   The key to obtaining that abundant life is allowing others to help us remove our grave clothes.  That means admitting that you are struggling and asking for help.   Allowing others to help you walk through the pain of whatever grave clothes you are trying to shed.  It is ok as a Christian to seek counseling, go to support groups, attend Celebrate Recovery groups or finding someone and just confessing your struggles.  I believe the church has to be much better in helping those who struggle with these and mental illness but it has to become an issue of dialog.  It is something that can’t be swept under the pews and not acknowledge.  I truly believe that Jesus can resurrect any life no matter what society says about that person.  When we receive Jesus we become new creations, the old is passed away and the new replaces it, but even Jesus knew that we needed to help one another in removing the grave clothes from the old dead life.  If you are struggling I implore you to seek help.  We were never meant to do this life on our own, and allow others to help you remove your grave clothes, so that you can walk in the freedom that Jesus promised we could have!  Have a great day everyone, lots of love to you!

This is a testimony of God's mercy and grace.  Back in 2013 I felt a call in my spirit to quit my job.  I had just returned home from San Diego in 2012 and had returned to my old job, a job I knew I shouldn't have returned to--figuratively speaking I was returning to Egypt--the very place the Israelites wanted to return to when fear gripped them.  They had seen the mighty works God  had done but two things heeded their walk in freedom--first they didn't have a right view of who God was and fear gripped their hearts.  This is was my problem precisely.
After a year at that job, I was miserable. I couldn't gain any sense of control over the depression that had descended unto me like a black cloud.  Anger had become my best friend and all the compassion I had for others disappeared.  Life became such a struggle and I felt like a caged animal.  I blamed all of this on my job and some of the people I worked with.  It became so bad that I would actually began crying from the moment I got into my car until I got to the parking lot at work.   During this entire year I still sensed I needed to quit and rest.  It was during this time I began to develop back spasms that at times would paralyze me.  The pain would come and go but really didn't impede my working.
I decided that I did indeed need to quit but I needed another job and so I found one and quit the one I had!  The only problem was thst when I began the new job, my shoulder began to hurt and my arm had begun to be very painful, so much so that I could barely lift it.  I went to the doctor and was told that I had a rotator cuff tear and a bicep tear! I had only been on my new job less than 6 weeks and I was being told that I needed surgery!  I also found out during that time that because I had less than 6 weeks I wouldn't be eligible for disability or FMLA, so essentially if I had surgery my job would not be protected!   I decided to put off surgery for as long as possible.  I prayed for relief from the pain but none came and finally I had to schedule the surgery!  Not only was the pain was wearing on me but the job was awful and even though I always enjoyed customer service I hated this job. Once I told my supervisor I had to have the surgery, miraculously they came up with a plan for me to keep my job.
I had the surgery and as I was healing it became more and more clear that I was suppose to not go back.  I emailed my employer and told them I would not be back.
Then Dj announced his plans to come home and he and Rumiko wanted to get married in the states! Immediately I began to look for another job because it was my greatest desire to pay for their wedding.  I rationalized that I would only work until I had all of the wedding paid for.  I got a temp job and began working again.  Every paycheck went toward the wedding.  It came with a cost.  I was still healing from surgery but then the back pain began!  At first it would hurt and I could take some ibuprofen and it would feel fine again, but gradually the pain worsened and I began taking more and more medication. I went to the doctor and was told it was my sciatica and was told that the pain should lessen. I was given more drugs and physical therapy but the pain increased in intensity and frequency.  By this time the wedding had happened and it was beautiful!  I began sensing in my spirit again I was coming to a crossroad about being obedient to what I knew I was suppose to do or keep doing what I was doing and never experience the abundant life that Christ promised because by this time I was going through another but of depression. During this time I began bargaining with God.  One day I said to the Lord " the perfect job for me would be a job I worked from 10-3, a place that I could be free to express my faith and where I could help people.  Finally I decided that I wanted God's will more than a job.  I decided to give my two weeks and then a miracle happened!  I had stopped by our church, can't remember the reason, and was told that they needed a substitute secretary for the month of June!  I asked the times they would need someone in the office and guess what? Remember my bargain with God? Yep that is right the position was part time, 4 days a week and the hours were from 10-3!!!  I knew this was God! The hours were perfect, I was totally able to express my faith and I would totally be helping people!  Totally an answer to prayer right?!  Well I was there for the month that I was suppose to be substituting and I enjoyed it.  When the regular secretary returned I was able to stay on and help the pastors.  The month I substituted my back pain was minimal, nagging at times but not debilitating.
Within a month of accepting the permanent position, my back began hurting again.  The intensity began to really increase and frequency of the pain became more until it was a constant.  I was having a harder time doing my job duties and many tears were shed.  Also that dark cloud of depression began to descend again.
I continued working in this position for another 10 months.
I knew by this time something was going on and more and more I heard in my spirit I needed to quit and rest.  I struggled so for by this time I had no doubt that I was being disobedient to what I was called to do 2 years prior!  Many things began to become very clear to me, but also fear began to grip my heart.  Cary had finished school and he would no longer be receiving the living stipend that he had been getting from the VA.  I knew God was calling me to quit my job.  Losing those 2 sources of income  would leave us short $ 2800 a month!  That was crazy!! How could I quit my job now?!!
I am not sure why the Lord has always given me dreams when I need direction or when I need to pray for others, but He does and I am so thankful that He does.   In three days I had as many dreams and then strategically God placed a series of videos into my life that talked to my heart, to exactly where I was.  He also led me to three scriptures that I have hung onto ever since. I truly believed at this point I needed to be obedient to God's call to quit my job and BE STILL and Know He is God.  So many fears began to assail me  but I knew that if I wasn't obedient, my relationship with Lord would suffer.  I wanted that abundant life He promised and finally came to the conclusion I needed to surrender BUT I still wanted confirmation that I was doing the right thing . So on this Friday I decided I was going  my 2 week resignation to my Pastor on Monday. Then the miraculous happened!  Up until the day of my decision to give my resignation my back was bad! I cried a lot from the pain and was taking so much pain medicine that I was getting concerned I would have to start taking heavy duty pain pills to combat the pain. By nightfall the pain in my back and hip had subsided considerably.  By the next morning the pain was pretty much gone!!!  Then Sunday came.  I went to church and began to think that maybe I was doing the wrong thing and fear had become more paralyzing and I began to rethink the whole resignation thing!
  The moment the thought came to my mind, a sharp pain went up my back!  I am not joking!  I knew right then I had my confirmation that I was doing what I was suppose to do.  I worked my last 2 weeks and the pain in my back almost disappeared completely! I had not been that pain free for over 2 years!  It has been 6 weeks or so and I can testify that my back is fine!!!!  I have spent the last 6 weeks being still and knowing God and I am overwhelmed!  This only one of the many testimonies that I want to tell!  Our God is an amazing God and the love He has for us is immeasurable!  So if you have made it to the end of this post, I am sorry for the length, but I had to set the scene for the miracle of my back but for the future posts of the testimony of what God has done and is doing in my life!  Stay tuned and prepare to be encouraged!  Praise to Jesus for His love and care!